Peace – Kimberly

Peace – Kimberly

Peace – Kimberly

Peace – Kimberly
 

Father, a lot of things have been on my mind the last few months. Mainly things about myself. You know, quirky things or character flaws that may not be so appealing or likable to mankind and more importantly, You.

For starters, I’ve become easily annoyed by people lately even more so than before.  I’m not sure why, but these days it just doesn’t take much at all for me to shut down and keep to myself.  I’d like to say that it’s a good thing because then I can focus on more but I’d be totally lying. My annoyance does absolutely nothing for the Kingdom. In fact, it’s hard for me to share about “You” if I’m counting down the minutes when I’m talking to people.

Another thing I’ve noticed lately is that I feel used a lot of times mainly by some of the very people I call “friends.” Why is this? Did I cause it? I’ve backed completely away from certain people because of this. I’ve also hurt some. What’s scary is that some of these people used You to connect with me only to never mention You again. Can you help me to discern these types of relationships?

Now this next thing, I probably will regret asking for after going through what I need to go through to get it, but I need more patience with people. (Please don’t be TOO hard on me Not just in general, but in certain situations. Like for instance, I get ultimately frustrated when people don’t love as hard as I do. I know it sounds silly, but I don’t give people time enough to get to know me before I write/cut them off because they’re not moving at my pace or out of fear of what I mentioned earlier about being used.  Every time I seem to always fail to 1. recognize where they emotionally, spiritually, etc and 2. give them time. And it’s not just in that situation. There are other’s too. You know how I can see the good in anyone? Well sometimes that quality is a burden because many times I can’t convince people of what I see in them and it frustrates me. So much that I am angered. I surely can’t help them like that.

Since we’re on relationships…I’ve found myself withholding “me” again. You know how people so quickly and easily invite me into their lives? Well I don’t do the same in a lot of cases. Correction: make that MOST cases. I’m just really afraid to be vulnerable to more than just the VERY few in number, “tried and true,” people.  Part of me feels like I’m supposed to be the “issue-less” being who is expected to always be ok. Well, the fact of the matter is that I’m not always okay and I need to vent, and cry, and be held too. But I have an issue with trusting people to that extent. Past relationships and life experiences undoubtedly make me feel this way, but I need to move past this. I love to love and when I love, I love, but I also need to be loved. I’m totally trusting You to protect me and my heart. When other’s come to me in confidence, give me the right things to say even if the right thing to say is said in silence.

Direction. Geographical direction. I need to know what this “draw” is and if it’s You or me. One thing’s for sure is that it’s strong. You know exactly what and where I’m talking about. In fact, you probably saw me tear up last week when a friend merely mentioned “taking a leap of faith and trusting You” when I shared with him how I felt. Guide me.

God, there’s so much in me that I desperately need to get out. Please help me to find the medium or outlet to do just that. I want to use my life to help build the Kingdom. I want to give strictly under Your direction and in ways that You will be glorified. I want to serve. I want to love and have meaningful relationships, so that You and Your love will be seen. I want to be compassionate and patient. I want to be brave with a heart like Yours. I want to be the “me” You created me to be. I want to trust; I want to love. I want to be compassionate and patient. I want to walk like you. I want to be free.

In Christ’s name, Amen.

Peace – Kimberly

Rox – LOL. That’s what I think about when I say your name.  I just get tickled.  The reason is because you know how to make me laugh.  We can find humor in the worse situations and at the most random times.  After I’ve dried my eyes from laughing hysterically, I simply smile.  I smile because I’m blessed enough to have someone in my life that can take me and all of my mess and accept me genuinely and love me the same.  I smile because of our friendship, and even greater, I smile because God chose me to be in your space.  Awesome.

Terri – I don’ t like half the things that come out of your mouth.  I’m going to be honest.  I don’ t like them because most times what you speak is what God is saying, and that’s not always what I want to hear.  Nevertheless, you keep speaking those things.  And because you keep speaking those things, I’m being made better inside and out at every word.  I appreciate you staying on me; I appreciate you praying with and for me.  Last but not least, I appreciate you loving me, (P)astor (T)erri (B)arnes.

Jahviah – Boy! I think every year I say, “Watch what you ask for when asking for a brother.”  And I said it again this year.  :)  You challenge me so much.  So so much.  I don’t know whether to hug your neck or hit you over the head. In your own twisted way, you bring out the best in me.  You inspire me, and you jump start my ambitions again.  What would I do without you?

Kathy – The meaning of your name is “Pure” and you are epitome of just that.  Your heart is so open that it’s almost scary.  When you love, you love with no restrictions and your motive is to love and love only.  I used to try to be all hard and upright around you.  That didn’t last long.  You’re one of the most powerful, ambitious, professional women I know, yet you have the biggest, softest, warmest heart I’ve ever witnessed.  You “are” my reminder that I can trust people and that it’s okay to be vulnerable sometimes. I’m so glad God has allowed us to stay connected all of these years.

Gwen - Wooow.  I honestly don’t know what to say.  No, seriously, I don’t.  With all we’ve been through good and bad, I swear we’ve known each other longer than (the soon to be) 4 years. You’re like that person that just won’t go away – not that I want you to of course.  Like Terri, you do and say things that get all up under my skin, but when I’m cool, reflective, and open, God reminds me of a few things I asked for a long time ago and you happen to fit the description of one of them. We work each other, but, man, do we love each other!

Bridgett - I saved you for last because this one’s easy.  You hold me accountable and expect nothing less from me. Enough said.

For the last several years, the number of people that I write to and about hasn’t grown.  Some may say that I’m not allowing people into my space. Some may call me guarded. Well the truth of the matter is that I am.  The people I’ve mentioned here are more precious to me than all the money in the world.  They are my valuable possessions, so yes, I’m guilty of being guarded and protective.  God will allow in whomever He sees fit. Until He does, these 6 people are stuck with me, and I’m proudly stuck with them.

These 6 people are one of the main reasons for two characteristics of mine: 1. When I know without doubt that I’m connected beyond emotions with someone, it’s hard for me to let them go when they don’t “get it” or don’t realize it. 2. I don’t go after people that I know without doubt shouldn’t be in my life.

These 6 people give me more and more reasons every single day to live, love life, and give love.  These 6 people see past my shades.

Peace – Kimberly

“We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed….All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.” » 2 Corinthians 4:8-9, 15

Peace – Kimberly

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

Good morning. How often do we verbally reassure someone of something and then turn around and create distrust through our actions? Be your best self but leave room error because, unless you were born of the virgin Mary, you will screw up. Accept that you’re flawed and know that it’s ok.

I’d rather be an openly flawed honest, human than a well concealed, inconsistent liar any day.

Peace – Kimberly

Sent from my Cellular South BlackBerry®  Smartphone

Peace – Kimberly

Remember, the end is not where we learn the most, it’s the journey we take to get there. Even at our most uncertain times, the worse moment isn’t until we no longer have a chance to get it right. Where there is breath, there is fight. Never forget that. Stay the course.

Peace – Kimberly